These Phrases shared by A Parent That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a few days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."